Like is a Four Letter Word

For the month of October, I decided to give up social media. It's been just over two weeks, and just in that short time I've discovered this method of communication has become so entrenched in my way of living I couldn't completely shut it off. I needed it for this or that authentication. A death in my family necessitated some browsing to learn what I could to see what if anything my family needed that I could supply.

Ironically, I will link this blog post to my Facebook page. Heh. Provide status of a social media break on social media. I think my head just exploded in a fit of paradox-ism.

Boiled down to the bare bones, I gave myself a reset on social media because I have become overly concerned with being liked. Well, not have become. I always was. It's in my DNA to be the entertainer, the empath, the gluer of people, and for godsake don't say anything that will make someone uncomfortable or rock the boat or they won't like you anymore.

Social media is a drug for people like me. It reinforces behavior that promotes a false security of validation. If 100 people like a photo of me, I must be pretty. If no people like a photo of me, I must be ugly. If I update a status and get no responses, I must not have something worth saying. If I get lots of responses, I must be worthwhile.

There is a severely flawed premise in this logic: that what other people think of you determine your personal worth as a human being. We've all seen what kind of behavior this promotes, if not in ourselves in the people we love. Girls become anorexic. Boys stuff their emotions. I find myself gauging how I think other people view me, and then work to give them what they expect. It's freaking exhausting, inauthentic and not what people are asking for in the first place. And if they are, it's not the kind of relationship you want to hang around in.

At any rate, of course I want you to like me. I want to be liked. Hell, I want to be loved unconditionally and thought of in high esteem. I want to like you. If you're reading, this I probably already do like you. But I don't like you because you fill some need I have. I like you because you are the only you around. I *want* you to be who you are. If our politics clash, if our spiritual beliefs clash, if our fundamental view of cheese clash, all the better. We can agree to disagree or better yet- find a way to argue with each other respectfully and come to a compromise and if not we can walk away disagreeing but liking each other anyway.

The other issue I have with social media right now is tending to compare my life with those of the people I know. I see young families hiking, big smiles, fit bodies. I see graduations, achievements, travels, adventures. Normally I would be happy for these people leading such wonderful lives but I have found myself getting depressed, thinking things like:
I don't have a young body any more.
I don't have kids.
My biggest accomplishment today was putting on pants and not killing anyone.
I'm too obsessed with work. Why can't I let go like all these people do?
I'm not even dating anyone right now. Do I even know how to do it anymore?
I wish I was more like (insert name here).
Why can't I be like (insert name here)??
Why can't I express myself as well as (insert name here)? He says it so well.
....ad nauseum.

So I'm taking a break. It all boils down to one core truth: The only person that really needs to like you is you. The only person I need to like me is me.

And I'm okay if you don't like me or my politics or my hair or whatever it is you don't care for. It won't diminish my worth. I'd love to say I don't care, but I do. Too much. So until I find some balance you'll have to catch me off the social media world and in the real one.