Stronger in the Broken Places, bla bla bla

We've all heard it. It's cliched to death on prime time crime shows, in 12 step meeting rooms, over therapy couches and around the office cube farms. Crap like
1. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
2. Overcoming your greatest flaw is your best gift back to the world.
3. something something strongest in the broken places (many, many "sources" quoted by The Interwebs)

It's everywhere. Makes you want to vomit, right?  Your own situation is special because (insert circumstance here). How can good come out of (insert completely uncontrollable unfair fact of life here). I had no choice in the matter. I was a victim of (bla bla bla). I am a victim of (bla bla bla).

I have ceased fighting the rational reasons why this cliche should make me sick. It turns out to be true. It's not just some crap to make you feel better about a bum deal in your past. It really is true. But you won't see it until you start to truly use the pain from your past to make the world a better place, starting with your own life.

I'll give you a personal example:
I got divorced in an ugly way shortly before the housing market crashed in the USA. Feeling bummed about the whole thing is an understatement. It propelled me into financial ruin (i was on my way regardless), a personal low, and I spent a good two years just trying not to be an asshole, and often failing miserably at it. Some of this is normal, some of it my own special blend of freak show. But the downfall absolutely forced me to take responsibility for my life. To stop living for other people and start figuring out what was really important in my life. What was I going to choose to spend time, money, and emotion on now? What is really important and what is imposed by others? Can I really take care of myself? Turns out not only could I, it was the best thing possible. It took a long time and I recovered. Life is in no way perfect, but without this event and its turmoil I would never have learned what I learned, and do what I do now. I am forever grateful for what I thought was the end of my life.

I can think of many more examples, some big and some small. But the things that make me vulnerable, make me human, my errors and mistakes and fundamental personal shortcomings- they have their benefits.

And it's not merely overcoming a flaw or a piece of pain that makes one stronger in the weak places. When used in the correct manner, what could be viewed as a shortcoming is, in fact, a place of strength. It's all in how you use it.

Here's an example I can think of:
One of my biggest shortcomings, ever since I was a child, is being "too sensitive." As in, taking stuff people say and do personally. If someone is upset, it's my job to fix it. If someone doesn't like me, I need to do everything short of tapdancing naked with watermelons under my armpits to get them to smile. It is my personal job to make everyone on this planet comfortable and welcome.  This overblown "ego in reverse" thing is something empathetic people around the world struggle with daily. It's the codependent nice in the extreme. However, in appropriate doses, this tragic flaw has serious strength to it when used appropriately. I am approachable and nonthreatening, which allows introverted geniuses I work with a venue to communicate their awesome ideas and get them to stick. I can mediate between people in order to get a team to a common goal. People who normally don't participate in a social event will open up if I'm with them, or return to a group I'm in and know they and their ideas are welcome. I can emotionally read a room and, provided I don't let it overwhelm my sensibilities, I can mediate and make us get to the point more quickly.

Think about this for yourself. What negative experiences, negative "shorcomings" do you have that are truly a part of you that make you whole? That without, your life would be wholly different in experience? I challenge you to drop the victim and the martyr/shame or ego angle, and think about it for yourself.

The cliches still make me want to vomit from time to time. But there is a reason they stick around. They are universally true.The crap I endured in my past has given me tools to survive, thrive, today. Perhaps not for everything in life. Sometimes life truly just throws poop like a monkey. But don't jump to that conclusion out of convenience. So use life to your advantage in the short time you're around to enjoy it. Make your flaws work, baby!