Impostor Syndrome
FACT: I hold a college degree, and in grad school I held a 4.0 GPA.
FACT: I am a kind person, with friends and family support through good and bad times.
FACT: I am financially secure, with a good job in which I do very well. So well, in fact, I received a recent promotion.
FACT: I have overcome serious hurdles in life which could have taken me out several times both physically and emotionally.
Facts do not support the tiny but persistent criticism I hear in my head so often that sometimes it just stops me in my tracks from making any decisions at all: "This is all a lie. If people knew who you really were, you would not have a job, a family, a life. You're a con artist. This is all just some kind of elaborate act. You're incompetent. AT LIFE!"
When I exposed this unhelpful inner thought to other women (a published novelist, a media relations expert, an artist, and a leader in health management among them), I was astounded. They all have the same thing. Impostor syndrome. A perpetual critic alive in our heads that dismiss our successes, destroy our self esteem, minimize compliments and factual accomplishments into a sham. This got me to thinking: why? And more importantly, how does one banish the REAL lie, this impostor voice, from our internal dialog?
I know why and where this voice entered into my life. That's the analytical benefit of lots of therapy and <enter support group name here> time. It came from a pattern, established in childhood and reinforced by behaviors in my family and family members, as a method of living. It was reinforced in my own relationships, my marriage, and then as a divorcee, in my relationships.
But I'm interested in the HOW. How do you change the inner dialog? I'm curious.
FACT: I am a kind person, with friends and family support through good and bad times.
FACT: I am financially secure, with a good job in which I do very well. So well, in fact, I received a recent promotion.
FACT: I have overcome serious hurdles in life which could have taken me out several times both physically and emotionally.
Facts do not support the tiny but persistent criticism I hear in my head so often that sometimes it just stops me in my tracks from making any decisions at all: "This is all a lie. If people knew who you really were, you would not have a job, a family, a life. You're a con artist. This is all just some kind of elaborate act. You're incompetent. AT LIFE!"
When I exposed this unhelpful inner thought to other women (a published novelist, a media relations expert, an artist, and a leader in health management among them), I was astounded. They all have the same thing. Impostor syndrome. A perpetual critic alive in our heads that dismiss our successes, destroy our self esteem, minimize compliments and factual accomplishments into a sham. This got me to thinking: why? And more importantly, how does one banish the REAL lie, this impostor voice, from our internal dialog?
I know why and where this voice entered into my life. That's the analytical benefit of lots of therapy and <enter support group name here> time. It came from a pattern, established in childhood and reinforced by behaviors in my family and family members, as a method of living. It was reinforced in my own relationships, my marriage, and then as a divorcee, in my relationships.
But I'm interested in the HOW. How do you change the inner dialog? I'm curious.
Comments
Post a Comment